HEARTBREAK – let’s face it – has served Adele pretty well.
Released on Friday, her song Easy On Me details the breakdown of her marriage to Simon Konecki. It’s not a cheery little number.
Adele, literally and figuratively, has a voice – poor Simon does not[/caption]
But it has notched up more than 70million YouTube streams — and barring all four of The Beatles reforming to bring out a single later today, Easy On Me will be No1 this Friday.
Worth £140million already, the Tottenham-born star’s latest single will undoubtedly net her a few million quid more. In an interview to promote it, Adele said she really wanted “people to hear my side of the story this time”.
Adele, literally and figuratively, has a voice.
Poor Simon does not.
With no songwriting skills of his own (unless he’s been hiding that particular light under a bushel), and the details of the divorce kept private, the charity CEO cannot share his side of the story* even if he wanted to.
Now it has emerged Adele will appear in a two-hour TV special with Oprah.
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More soul-bearing, more divorce revelations — this time in front of a global audience of millions of fascinated rubber-neckers.
Of course, Eton-educated Simon is thought to have got a fair whack of Adele’s fortune as part of their undisclosed divorce settlement.
But still he can hurt. A big house with a cinema does not a heart heal.
Yet Simon’s plight is the reality of the celebrity/Muggle split: The famous has a voice, the Muggle rarely does.
Take Ant McPartlin and Lisa Armstrong.
While he went on to marry the “love of his life” and spoke about his own personal breakdown — eliciting widespread sympathy in the process — poor Lisa was made to look like a slightly mad, embittered ex.
It is not known if she signed a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) — she always vowed she wouldn’t — but either way she has remained eerily mute.
All she could do was feebly “like” the odd social media comment pouring scorn on Ant. It wasn’t dignified, it wasn’t pretty, but — despite her own successful career as a make-up artist — she did not have her say.
And everyone knows about the curse of Strictly.
Now Adam Peaty is the latest star to get embroiled in the series’ yearly shenanigans.
Spare a thought for his 23-year-old girlfriend, the mother of his child, Eiri Munro.
With no studio audience and no Claudia Winkleman or Tess Daly to chat to after, she was forced to have her say on TikTok.
The clip was captioned: “Watching your boyfriend almost kiss another woman on live TV . . . Finding out 10 million people also watched it live.”
Adam and Eiri are still together, but time and time again we see celebs dumping their loyal partners and waltzing off with a professional.
Time and time again we read their (paid) mea culpas in glossy magazines, and all is forgiven.
Meanwhile, the non-famous partner is left weeping into the void.
Celebrity can be great. . . . but date one at your peril.
Simon, if you’re reading this and want to throw caution to the wind, call me on 07** ****8.
FOOTBALL UNITES
I THINK I speak for all Spurs fans when I say Sunday’s 3-2 win over Newcastle was slightly irrelevant.
Instead, the unfolding events — in which a Magpies fan suffered a suspected heart attack — reminded us of the kindness of football fans.
For too long we, myself included, have been quick to pour scorn on the antics of a minority of hooligans and racists.
But the reaction of both fans and players in calling for and getting help is a timely reminder that football can unite.
The quick-thinking heroics of medics on both sides of the touchline saved a life, which is far more important than three points.
MADGE IN TIGHT SPOT
NOTHING demonstrates the perils of extreme photoshopping better than recent pictures of Madonna.
Embarrassing before and after photos have emerged of Madge promoting her new concert film – in which the megastar looks like two different women.
Photos have emerged of Madge promoting her new concert film – in which the megastar looks like two different women[/caption]
In one, with flawless skin and a jawline tighter than Rod Stewart’s purse straps, she could be 30.
In the other, untouched shot, she looks, well, like your average 63-year-old, slightly sagging jowls ’n’ all.
It reminds me of the time I interviewed a well-known British star over a rosé-fuelled lunch.
Polishing off a couple of bottles between us, the resulting post-luncheon snaps – in peak sun, and natural lighting – were not flattering.
Horrified, the celeb’s “people” insisted on retouching the pics.
Alas, they airbrushed her virtually beyond recognition, and left me utterly unfiltered.
The resulting photo was so ridiculous. The household name, who reads this column and therefore shall not be identified, looked like a Victoria’s Secret model.
I looked like a warthog.
Which, in turn, prompted The Sun’s own picture desk to spend a small fortune redressing the balance.
Madness.
PASS A CARROT
ELIZABETH Hurley, who has remained virtually unchanged in more than 20 years, has absolutely, categorically, 100 per cent. Not. Had. Any. Work. Done.
Asked if she’d ever had any cosmetic procedures, she scoffed (the only thing she is scoffing): “No! I don’t think it makes you look younger.”
Elizabeth credits her flawless beauty to ‘making 50 per cent of what I eat vegetable matter’[/caption]
Instead, the MAW (model, actress, whatever) credits “making 50 per cent of what I eat vegetable matter” for her suspiciously unlined, flawless beauty.
Yep, a carrot. That’ll be it.
WILLS’ EARTHSHOT ENDEAVOUR
PRINCE WILLIAM’S inaugural Earthshot was a brilliant and worthy endeavour.
And precisely the sort of thing the Queen’s grandson should be doing to engage younger audiences and keep the monarchy relevant.
The Duke of Cambridge’s inaugural Earthshot was a brilliant and worthy endeavour[/caption]
Emma Watson wore this little number on the green carpet: An ‘up-cycled’ frock made from ten wedding dresses[/caption]
All attendees were asked to sport environmentally friendly outfits.
It prompted Emma Watson to wear this little number on the green carpet: An “up-cycled” frock made from ten wedding dresses.
Completing the look, which it most certainly was, were some black trousers and chunky-soled boots. (kudos to Emma for ditching the heels, though).
Alas, as a face of the awards, only last month the Harry Potter actress was spotted jetting into London on a twin-turbine private helicopter.
Two years ago she was named by Swedish researchers as a green-house gas “super-emitter”.
In a further unfortunate twist, fellow celeb attendee Emma Thompson was pictured flying first class to New York days after backing a climate protest.
Meanwhile, Liverpool star Mo Salah*, who presented an award at the Earthshot’s prize ceremony in London, is no stranger to a gas-guzzling private jet.
Still, all for a good cause, eh?
*I’m assured by my LFC-supporting friend that Mo also builds hospitals and schools and does a myriad of other lovely, lovely things.
HOLLY SNOBS
HOLLY WILLOUGHBY is selling a couple of quite expensive candles.
Given the social media outcry, you’d have thought she’d driven to Battersea and single-handedly mown down 300 rescue dogs.
Given the social media outcry, you’d have thought Holly had driven to Battersea and single-handedly mown down 300 rescue dogs[/caption]
I went to the launch of Holly’s lifestyle company, Wylde Moon, last week and, for the record, the £40 and £65 candles smell very nice indeed. Quite tomato vine-y.
Basically, it’s fine for Hollywood superstar Gwyneth Paltrow to flog vibrators, dangerous jade eggs or candles that whiff of vaginas (68 quid).
But should a British daytime telly star dare to be so entrepreneurial, brave and aspirational, she’s stepping outside her lane.
It’s snobbery.
INFLUENCERS SHOULD SAY DU-BYE
CAN influencers please stop going to Dubai.
British restaurateur Luke Tully recently spent 19 months in jail there after police mistakenly believed he had taken a booking in order to score cocaine, while Billy Hood, a kids’ football coach, was jailed for 25 years for possessing a pal’s CBD oil vape.
The country’s insane, archaic laws are nothing short of barbaric – and we need to start boycotting this sterile, soulless monstrosity, not #livingourbestlives atop the Burj Al Arab.
TIMELY APPEAL
THE statement from David Amess’ family was as heartbreaking as it was important.
Describing the tragic, murdered Southend West MP as “a man of peace”, they added: “We ask people to set aside their differences and show kindness and love to all.”
The statement from David Amess’ family was as heartbreaking as it was important[/caption]
Terrorists aim to sow division.
Increasingly, we are making it all too easy for them.
Platforms such as Twitter have become a breeding ground for hate – people on opposite ends of the political spectrum needlessly hurling abuse at one another.
We live in a democracy and, perhaps, sometimes need reminding that it’s possible to have different beliefs and still like someone on a personal level.
