THE Conservative Party is still reeling from the bomb blast of July’s election, staggering around with ears ringing, desperately looking in the dark for its lost friends.
Recent Cabinet ministers instinctively enter the Commons and head to the Government benches, only to wince as they remember and turn to their tiny rump of MPs that survived the wrath of the voting public.
But in the fallout, the party seems to be doing everything it possibly can to give Rishi Sunak’s successor a duff start.
With the ultra-long leadership election running all the way until November 2, we were promised a battle for the soul of the party and a proper test of those wishing to lead it.
But instead they appear to be trying to do everything possible to avoid that, acting like they have all the time in the world rather than an existential fight on their hands.
Firstly, the bizarre decision to announce the new leader four days AFTER Labour’s most influential Budget of this Parliament will see the deeply odd spectacle of the defeated ex-PM representing the Opposition four months after offering to resign.
It’s a wasted chance for a new leader to set out their stall on the most important day in the political calendar since the election.
But now I can reveal the contest organisers want to give the four remaining candidates just TEN MINUTES each to speak at the party’s conference later this month.
Given a party leader would be expected to speak for an hour or more if they actually got the job, surely this is a chance to test their mettle and see if they crash and burn?
David Cameron’s zingy 2005 speech compared to David Davis’s wooden bore-a-thon helped turn that race on its head.
It will be the only real chance for Tory members — and the wider public — to see what these wannabes are made of, especially as the party has not given permission for a TV debate and journalists are locked out of hustings.
And with the US election three days after the result sucking up all the political bandwidth, not since poor old Iain Duncan Smith won in 2001 — in the same week as 9/11 — will a new leader of the Opposition have such an uphill struggle to even make a dent.
And what will greet them?
Labour with a near record majority and a leader already showing he’s prepared to be as ruthless in power as he was in opposition.
A well-heeled Nigel Farage finally vowing to get organised on the right, turning Reform from his support act into a functioning political party aiming to take hundreds of seats in 2029.
And a resurgent Lib Dems bedding in, cockroach-like, to dozens of once-safe Tory seats, vital for the Conservatives to retake to ever see a majority again.
Crash and burn
Yet where are the answers to this trio of problems?
Only frontrunner Robert Jenrick and former favourite Kemi Badenoch appear to want to actually jab and prod and have the much-needed post mortem about what went wrong.
The others, most notably James Cleverly, are instead seeking solace in unity — which in the eyes of the public could be forgiven for a call for continuity.
With Cleverly expected to do well at tomorrow’s vote after his strong third-place finish last week — just one vote behind Badenoch — many MPs are now expecting a Jenrick/Cleverly run-off in front of the membership next month.
It would be a battle between Jenrick’s “burn it down and start again” mantra versus Cleverly — a former Home and Foreign Secretary and Party Chairman — offering a more cautious rebuilding.
But Badenoch will not go down without a fight, with allies insisting that she still has a path to the final two.
Guerrilla tactic
However, complaining to the returning officer this weekend that her past statements have been chewed over by the newspapers is not a good sign for someone applying for one of the most scrutinised jobs in politics.
It is a horrible gig, you have to fight for every scrap of airtime and use every guerrilla tactic you can think of in Parliament.
A bit of rough and tumble in the leadership contest will be nothing compared to the long, lonely five years trying to win back power and stop the party going even lower than their disastrous 121 MPs, as Farage attempts to eat their breakfast every day.
Enough of the nicey, nicey . . . the Tories need to wake up to how bad things are and have it out properly.
And party chiefs need to let that fight happen in public.
Or there won’t be very much left to argue over next time.
WITH Sir Keir Starmer unveiling his new white Siberian kitten called Prince to the world this weekend, I hear the admittedly cute-sounding furry will not be the only addition to the growing Downing Street menagerie in the coming weeks.
Next door in No11, Rachel Reeves is eyeing her own mouse catcher after complaining that the buildings are ridden.
“It will be a proper British cat, none of this Russian nonsense,” a catty senior Treasury figure purred this week.
Make or break night
IT’S make or break night for The Don tomorrow as he finally goes head to head with Joe Biden’s late stand-in Kamala Harris in their first, and likely only, TV debate.
With some senior Republicans openly voicing concerns Donald Trump has been off kilter in the race for the White House since narrowly avoiding an assassin’s bullet in July – and some even privately suggesting he could be suffering from PTSD – it will be a must-watch TV moment.
However, the time difference means most Brits will be tucked up as the pair clash in the small hours.
But fear not, I will be awake and watching along with big political names, comedians, bookies and experts for a ready-to-watch episode of Never Mind The Ballots.
And it will be available on YouTube and The Sun website in time for your cornflakes on Wednesday morning.
